Investigators are now considering the scandalous possibility that the heavy overnight and morning rain which washed out Saturday’s fixtures may have been the responsibility of one time Carlton poster-boy Fraggle Watts. Mr Watts had spotted an opportunity to make his long-awaited debut appearance for the Carlton Positively 4th XI in their season-defining tussle with Watsonians 3. Your correspondent understands that the Positivelys’ skipper considered this offer with care but, having reviewed Mr Watts’ limited sandwich making capabilities and found them wanting, decided that it should be declined. He let Mr Watts down gently telling him, ‘Butt out, buster – we need big time players for this do or die match.’ Mr Watts was offered the compensation of an appearance in the Carlton 3rd XI. His disappointment may be understandable, but does it excuse that he is reported to have indulged in shamanistic ritual dancing long into Friday night?
There was also disappointment in the Beattie household at the inevitable cancellation of the Positivelys match. The Carlton selectors had deemed the Positivelys Team Beattie for the day with all male members of the family, John, Angus and Jaimie, scheduled to appear. This would have been a high day indeed. Not only would it mark the greatly welcome return to action of Angus Beattie, but it would also have celebrated a significant birthday of John. Cricket geeks will know that John shares his birthday with Jonty Rhodes, whose cat-like prowess in the field his own performances so closely resemble. It would be a special birthday present if the 3 Beatties to turn out together. Amelia had promised a special cake – which is all that is needed to persuade the Positivelys skipper of anything. So Team Beattie was formed.
But, whether due to Mr Watts familiarity with Native American mythology or due to the caprices of the volatility of this summer’s weather systems the game was cancelled and Positively fans will have will have to wait another day to see Team Beattie in action.
In the meantime, your correspondent is sure that all Carlton fans will join him in wishing Jonty Beattie the happiest of birthdays and to welcoming Angus back. Good news indeed and well done on all the hard work to get him there. And, fans should not forget to commend Jaimie on his performances this season. Whether they want also to send happy returns to Jonty Rhodes is for them to decide.