Spring was in the air for this early season friendly match against Dunfermline Wanderers at Grange Loan. The quiet Sunday atmosphere was broken only by the flutter of blossom falling from trees, the singing of birds, the gentle thud of leather on astroturf and the clicking of joints clearly suffering from the winter lay off. The haar billowed in from the Forth and a weak sun was struggling to break through. "I bet it's nice here in summer" remarked the visitors.

Captain Fed won the toss and elected to bat, much to the consternation of openers Chris and Neil who were hoping for a more gentle start to the season. After a promising start from Carlton, tall Dunfermline bowler Faulkner found his rhythm and was able to extract some spring-like bounce from the artificial pitch. A four over spell with three maidens accounted for Neil Kirk (caught behind off the shoulder of the bat), Ruairidh Main (caught behind driving outside off stump) and Ollie Rae (ditto) to leave the score at 15-3. Unperturbed, Chris picked up a gear and dragged Carlton back into the match with a stylish 37 including two sixes, three fours and some beautiful straight drives. A second flurry of wickets (Chris and Murray caught behind/first slip, John Beattie run out, Mohammed Neuman caught behind) followed, before Angus and Shoaib put together a solid partnership of 30 to bring some respectability to the score. Shoaib then fell to the only catch not taken behind the wicket, bagged high at midwicket, and a final flourish by Angus and Ruth brought the score to 102 off 30 overs.

Despite the low total, Carlton took to the field with a sprightly air. Ruth and Angus removed the openers and reduced the Wanderers to 25-2. Dunfermline batsman Porter then made the most of the occasionally wayward deliveries before being bowled by Ruairidh for 31. A tidy spell from Angus, including a very sharp caught and bowled, together with tight bowling from Ollie and Ruairidh maintained a steady flow of wickets, leaving the Wanderers needing 39 from the last 10 overs. Surviving a strong appeal for caught behind off Ruairidh, spirited resistance from Hitz brought a flicker of opportunity for the Wanderers, but the final wicket at the end of a distinctly iffy bowling spell from Angus's dad brought the match to a slightly ignominious end.

Many thanks to the Wanderers for an enjoyable encounter, and yes, it's probably even nicer at Grange Loan at the height of summer, if only we knew when that was likely to be. The match gave an early indication of form for those still considering their Fantasy League team lineups. The fantasy Fantasy points not awarded as a result of this match would have been:

Angus Beattie 70
Chris Patterson 37
Shuaib Farooq 32
Ollie Rae 29
Ruairidh Main 25
Alexander Fedenczuk (c) -3 x 2 = -6

MATCH CANCELLED - PITCH WATERLOGGED

Before he headed to New Zealand to support Scotland, and more importantly son Neil, in the IRB Junior World Championship, in a last act of unselfishness our leader Fantasy Bob scoured his social circle to identify a few select friends he could call on to maintain the highest standard of match reports in his absence.  This week the Guest Editorial has been written by a repatriated South African, Precious Littal-Kontent, Director and Curator of Modern Art at the Scottish National Gallery.

MATCH REPORT DOLLAR CC Vs CARLTON XI (Precious Littal-Kontent)

As a young girl raised on our family ranch in the Orange Free State, cricket was a essential part of family life.  My father and three brothers (Adam, Eric and "little" Joe) all played cricket on the sun baked pitches in Bloemfontein and our housekeeper, Hop Sing, and I would spend hours preparing boerewors, melktert and lemonade to serve in spectacular cricket teas.  I was therefore delighted and honoured when Fantasy Bob asked me to fill in for him during his absence.  I saw an opportunity to reaffirm my love for the worlds greatest game and to help out English cricket, like many of my countrymen (Trott, Prior, Gregg, Lamb, Smith, Strauss, D'Olivera, Pietersen) have done before, in its hour of need.

Imagine my despair when I found out the game between Dollar CC and a Carlton All Star Sunday XI was called off due to a seemingly frivolous combination of excuses around a double booked pitch, a clash with Father's Day and because there was World Cup football on the television.  This would never happen back home on the ranch, no wonder South Africa sit proudly as number one in the world test cricket rankings and we can confidently export our second string cricketers to these shores.

Fortunately in my darkest hour I was able to find solace in my second love...Modern Art.  I was drawn to reflect on the work of Robert Rauschenberg and more specifically his series of White Paintings (1951) that consist of a different number of modular panels—there are one-, two-, three-, four-, and seven-panel iterations—all painted completely white. In each case, Rauschenberg’s primary aim was to create a painting that looked untouched by human hands, as though it had simply arrived in the world fully formed and absolutely pure.

The White Paintings have gradually secured a place in art history as important precursors of Minimalism and Conceptualism. Ultimately, the power of the White Paintings lie in the shifts in attention they require from the viewer, asking us to slow down, watch closely over time, and inspect their mute painted surfaces for subtle shifts in colour, light, and texture.

Is this not cricket at its finest?  the subtlety of seemingly nothing happening for long periods yet steady progression towards an inevitable conclusion.  I was left to consider if there was a connection between Rauschenberg's introspective search for purity and being a spectator at cricket.  I concluded, perhaps I had just experienced the purest form of cricket in a game was never played.   Thank you Fantasy Bob I am enlightened.

      Robert Rauschenberg White Painting (1951)

Your correspondent had much to muse on as he entered the gates of Grange Loan yesterday. The ground lay pristine and immaculate - a tribute to the labours of the Doughty Groundsman and his team.

So accustomed has your correspondent become to the shrill sound of young cricketers thronging the ground in Haribo-fueled excitement that he was at first disorientated. His ears attuned over may years to the high pitched LBW appeals of Carlton’s celebrated junior members took time to adjust to a lower pitch of proceedings.

For a calmer, more reflective, approach to events was in evidence as the club welcomed the touring party of the Victorian Over Sixties Cricket Association (VOSCO). All the way from Australia, via Ireland and Stirling and en route to Iceland. Your correspondent ruminated on the level of organisation that must lie behind this expedition, knowing that his own efforts to get 11 cricketers of varying ages from Grange Loan to the distant lands of Inverleith for a Division 7 match, takes several years of military style planning, and is even then often unsuccessful. A 10 match trip 12000 miles from home would seem a trifle by comparison.

Victoria’s principal city, Melbourne, shares with Edinburgh the privilege of having been host to the Commonwealth Games, and being designated by UNESCO a City of Literature (in Edinburgh's case this is despite the ignominy of being home to Fantasy Bob's blog). They also boast within their sporting subculture a Carlton Cricket Club. Cricketers from Victoria form an impressive line up - from Bill Woodfall to Bill Lawry to Merv Hughes. Sadly none of those greats was in the touring party

However a group of equally distinguished cricketers, under close escort of WAGs, entered Carlton’s gates and enthusiastically praised what lay before them - a plate of freshly baked scones.

Carlton’s past President Hugh Parker had spent many hours in seclusion honing Carlton’s selection and had assembled a group of senior Carlton players, household names in their own homes, a handful of guests and, as replacements for 2 late injury and business induced withdrawals, 2 stars from Scotland’s burgeoning women’s cricket scene.

Before proceedings started, each of Carlton’s select was introduced to the crowd and awarded a VOSCO cap – with the special honour of a baggy blue Carlton (Melbourne) cap given to the Carlton (Edinburgh) skipper. Fantasy Bob (for it was he, who, in a mental aberration by Hugh, had been appointed Carlton's skipper for the day).

So it was that Ian Fraser, the VOSCO skipper, survived his first contact with Fantasy Bob, who in gentlemanly fashion offered the visitors first use of the prime batting surface; a murmur went round the vast crowd – ‘Surely FB knows this is not a Division 7 match - bowling points are not important today.’

Ian himself opened VOSCO’s batting with Peter Dell. Your correspondent learned later that Peter had got married during the Irish leg of the trip: arranging for a wedding as part of an away fixture has not so far been a challenge Carlton skippers have had to face. Peter is also the Fitness Coordinator for the tour. Your correspondent does not know whether these two facts are connected. After Ian had played FB’s opening overs in stylish fashion, Peter thought it was time to get on with it and called his skipper for a quick single. Former Carlton favourite Alan Macleod (Spike) swooped at midwicket and in a flash the stumps lay flat, with Ian stranded and wondering whether this marriage thing had not gone to Peter’s head a bit and made him just that bit too frisky.

Carlton’s bowlers got down to work and regular wickets pegged VOSCO back just when they threatened to cut loose. There were good knocks from Ian Walker and Greg Lott – 30 and 33 respectively. The Grange Loan crowd purred to see former President diZZee khaRTah find his line and length after a long injury lay off. He did for Ian Walker, bowling him through the gate as he looked to build some momentum. Carlton’s trio of left arm round wove their spell – young Kirsty Gordon comparing favourably with old Carlton star Spike Macleod and guest Willie Morton (2-13). They made scoring hard work. Al Murray (2-16) kept the tail from wagging too vigorously with some nicely flighted deliveries giving Barnacle Barrett a couple of catches at slip. VOSCO finished on 123ao in the 38th over.

The touring team was then exposed to Carlton’s finest tradition. The finest cricket wicket in Scotland is complemented by tea of a quality unparalleled in the known universe. Such bounty is the club’s time-served tactic to slow the opposition down in the field. Again it proved successful.

Carlton’s openers were Hon Membership Secretary BN Forrester and guest Keith Flannigan. They made good progress against a sparkling but luckless opening attack until they both were dismissed with the score on 27. However VOSCO’s hopes of making serious inroads into Carlton’s batting were frustrated by an excellent partnership between Carlton’s very own Barnacle Barrett and guest player Alec Davies. Alec’s deft strokes all around the wicket showed that class is permanent. The pair had brought Carlton within sight of the total when Alec was caught at midwicket and Barnacle retired in search of a cold beer. Olly Rae was unluckily run out by a direct hit with victory looming. Willie Morton and Al Murray then took the ship home and Carlton passed the total in the 31st over with the sun still high in the sky.

VOSCO then sportingly agreed to bowl out their 40 overs to give the rest of the batters a hit – Kirsty Gordon showing with a series of graceful strokes that not only has she great potential as a bowler, she is a batter of some quality too.

And then it was then time for speeches and presentations.

VOSCO’s Player of the Match – Greg Lott – top score 33, one catch and all round great effort in the field.
Carlton Player of the Match – Kirsty Gordon – accurate bowling spell, elegant and stylish innings.

There were tributes from Carlton (Melbourne) to Carlton (Edinburgh), shirts and ties exchanged and reminders of how cricket played in the spirit of the game brings people together. An impromptu rendition of the Carlton Blues AFL team song brought proceedings to a resounding close.

Best wishes to VOSCO for the rest of their trip – who in Scotland would think of going to play cricket in Iceland? Many thanks for coming to Grange Loan. Over 60s cricket is a big thing in Australia – could it ever catch on in Scotland? Probably not but your correspondent is reliably informed that if VOSCO is looking for an overseas amateur for a future trip, Fantasy Bob would be willing. He has the baggy blue cap, - all it would cost would be an empire biscuit.

Many thanks to Hugh for the admin, Karen, Barbara and Alison for the sublime catering effort, to Lily Cartwright for scoring (and as importantly manning the bar afterwards) and to Sandy Scotland and Brian Anderson for umpiring so ably.

What a day!

[Are you sure you are feeling alright – this almost reads like an account of a cricket match unlike your usual rubbish. Ed]

By an inexplicable quirk of time travel the Carlton archivist has gained access to the following extract from the memoirs of Sir Keshav Arvind OM KT KBE FRS FRSE LLD, published in July 2074.

In my long and, though I say it myself, distinguished career there have been fewer days finer than that sun blessed July day in 2014 when I was invited by senior players at the go ahead Edinburgh cricket club Carlton to captain the side in a Sunday fixture against Woodcutters CC, a peripatetic team of some renown.

At first I modestly declined, as such a young person must in the face of such eminence and experience. But it was explained to me that the appointed skipper of the day, Mr Al Murray, had relinquished his place in the starting XI, fearing the searing heat, and the possible substitute captains in the select had declined the honour – the colourful scoundrel known to all as Fantasy Bob said that he was still exhausted from his captaincy against a touring Australian side earlier in the week, and Mr D Carter saying he was only turning out because he had left over sandwiches from the previous day’s tea and he didn’t expect to do anything.

It is hard to imagine in our own times, but this was characteristic of the lack of responsibility that the older generation then presented to the younger. (Although Mr Carter could perhaps be excused for at least making a small gesture against the crime of food waste that was so prevalent at that shameful period in our history).

I therefore accepted the honour – and what’s more - promptly won the toss. I still recall the look of surprise on the face of Fantasy Bob at this simple achievement. Batting on such a fine day on a good looking wicket was the only option. And I duly went to the wicket with Mr Richard Allardice, who was making his first appearance in white of the season. He was unlucky to find the pace and accuracy of opening bowler Marlow. I was then joined by Ms Olivia Rae, the eminent cricket coach and aid expert, and we made good progress until with the score on 96 Ms Rae was caught for 37. I had just passed 50 and was seeing the ball well.

An early appearance by future Scotland record capped wicket keeper Master Ben D'Ullisse was cruelly cut short when he pushed too hard to offer a simple catch and Mr Mike Scott, an FP of my own Alma Mater George Watson’s College, betrayed his lack of cricket since leaving those portals by swinging all over a straight one. I was then joined by Martin Robertson, the quondam Iron Man legend and Fixture Secretary of Carlton CC. I had not experienced batting with Mr Robertson before. It is an excitement the memory of which still disturbs my tranquillity on occasional nights. For Mr Robertson makes running between the wicket into an extreme sport.

But Mr Robertson hit the ball hard to parts of the ground that many – most of all the fielding side - would not expect it to be hit and soon reached 50 – at which point he retired.

I had calmly made my way into the 90s and felt that a century was on – even though we were running out of overs. But some fool put the hex on me (it is alleged it was FB who checked to make sure there was a camera ready to capture that happy moment – what a dolt). Regrettably the senselessness of that request induced my first false stroke of the afternoon and I had to return sadly to pavilion – and the sincere commiserations of my team mates – for 93.

Our innings finished shortly after on 211 for 7.

Tea, in my recollection, was always very special at Grange Loan and on this occasion, it was heartily enjoyed by all players of both sides. There seemed to be an abundance of a delicacy now known as the Post-Commonwealth Biscuit, but then known by a less politically acceptable term. (Such provender eased the disappointment I felt at being dismissed so close to my first century – but that, as subsequent pages of this volume will attest, was not long coming).

I now had to mastermind our bowling and fielding. Not a small task with such stationary properties as DC and FB on the field. I am pleased to say that this was successful. Woodcutter’s openers C Devine (49) and D Bowie (23) looked good and put on 50 before Bowie’s middle stump was cartwheeled 3 feet in the air by Mr Callum Sibley, the eminent psychologist. ‘That’ll be out, then,’ he remarked with the insight that psychologists customarily bring to proceedings as the stump was retrieved.

Mr Sibley then produced a pick up and return from the square leg boundary that had Devine run out by some distance. Mr Allardice’s efforts in the field were of the highest standards throughout the afternoon – evidently a familial trait which geneticists think they may be close to unravelling. DC and FB had contributed a wicket each before Marlow began some ferocious hitting that picked up the Woodcutter’s run rate and made them think that they had a chance.

I had to remain cool and make clear headed decisions. I asked Ms Ruth Willis, the distinguished clinician, to bowl a second spell. This proved decisive, as I knew it would, for Ms Willis took 4 wickets quickly. The tail was wrapped up by Mr Shafay Ehsan and Mr Robertson and Woodcutters were all out for 162 – a 49 run victory for Carlton.

A fine day and many thanks are due to Woodcutters for playing their part in a most enjoyable occasion. Captaincy? I don’t really know what the fuss is about.

The crowds flocking happily to Arboretum had to run for shelter when a heavy shower poured out of darkening skies an hour or so before the the second playing of the Martin Flynn Memorial Match between Carlton and Holy Cross (holders Holy Cross CC). Business at the coffee bar in the Botanic Gardens soared as worried cricket fans fondled their lattes and pondered whether the skies would clear. They need not have worried, for the organising spirit of Martin ensured that the clouds passed, the sun shone brightly and a drying wind ensured that play could begin on time.

Carlton’s selection ensured that the side contained representatives from all levels of the club including the junior and women’s sections. Holy Cross’s selection also ensured that the whole club was represented with a canny blend of the bearded and unbearded. Each side had clear instructions – do not consider returning without the trophy. A keenly fought contest was therefore on the cards.

Smudger Smith won the toss for the Crossers, stroked his beard, invoked the spirit of Martin, and opted to bat. While the wicket showed few signs of its earlier dowsing, it was not such that free scoring was possible. Most of the Crosser batters got some kind of start but Carlton’s bowling was naggingly persistent and their fielding keen. The batsmen found it difficult to go on. Wickets fell regularly – with Brad McKay dismissing both openers, Sydzik to a lofted drive and Quinn to a catch juggled between keeper and slip. Candlish and Bacon dug in but Ali Shah’s off spin took 2 quick wickets (Bacon unluckily bowled off the seventh ball of the over as the umpire’s computational skills deserted him – something that Martin never suffered from, allegedly). Suddenly, the Crossers were 66 for 5 and not looking good. The second part of the innings owed much to Shannon Bonfield who held things together and ended up undefeated on 37*. A partnership with Robertson was vital before Shah came back to wrap up the tail and give himself the remarkable figures of 7-2-12-5. Other wickets were taken by Rajendran, Murray and McGill (absolutely no relation to the one and only, whatever he says). Holy Cross were all out for 161 in the final over.

Tea was sumptuous, and speculation turned to how the new pavilion, nearing completion, would make a difference to the ground. The new relationship with Stewarts-Melville was showing some benefits – the outfield was regularly cut instead of the bi-annual visit by the Council’s mowers. All in all things were looking up at Arboretum – but to maintain their grasp on the Martin Flynn Trophy they would need to bowl out of their beards at Carlton’s star studded batting line up.

The sun was still shining as Carlton began their chase. Early wickets were essential for Holy Cross and this they just about had as Shuaib Farooq feathered his second ball from Smith, but neither slip nor keeper could grasp it. Shuaib went on to 22 following an unusual display of self control, only swinging at every fourth ball but also showing some text book defence. Atkin and Everett both suckered themselves by slapping poor balls straight to extra cover and were left by their team mates to contemplate in solitude the error of their ways. Bacon bowled Keshav and Carlton were 63 for 4 after 20 overs. Match on. Or so the crowd thought. And perhaps some Crossers. But Alex Rajendran and Ali Shah took control of the situation and firmly and quietly wrested the initiative back. They put on 99 and brought up victory in the 35th over – Alex 49* and Ali 43*. Carlton win by 6 wickets and take the trophy back to Grange Loan where it will sit in pride of place.

      Pic: Alex Candlish

And everyone agreed that Martin would have enjoyed this fine game of cricket played in excellent spirit and good weather. A fine tribute to his name and his contribution. He would be heartened to find his clubs in good health. He would surely find it fitting that his trophy now has the names of both his clubs engraved on it – although speculation is already rife as to who will take the trophy next year at Grange Loan.

Many thanks from Carlton to Holy Cross who proved excellent hosts as ever – and many thanks to members of Martin’s family who spent a great part of the afternoon at Arboretum.

Scorecard

The end of the regular season generally means two things.  Firstly an immediate uptick in the weather and sure enough the weekend witnessed the outbreak of an Indian Summer.  The second is the traditional trip to Manderston for a slap-up tea with bit cricket on either side.  After a break of 6 years order was restored to the universe and an intrepid XI set off for Duns.   The captains met in the middle to see if a toss would be required.  After a brief comparison of resources it was agreed that the sides were sufficiently evenly matched to warrant a toss, which Al Murray lost by an undisclosed margin. 

The ten men of Manderston would bat first and face the opening attack of Pete Gill and Rob Atkin (who had successfully disposed of Dollar’s tail the previous day).  The Taylor brothers began the innings for the home side with plenty intent and even more action.  The score rattled along, aided and abetted by the inability of the visitors to hold any of the “several” chances that came their way.  Angus Beattie replaced Atkin and Tom Kujawa came on for Gill and with the latter getting a much needed breakthrough, bowling the marginally less aggressive Taylor.  Next over, Beattie pinned the other Taylor in front just short of his half century and a run out on the following over saw Carlton assert of modicum of control over proceedings.  Nick Thompson came on for Kujawa and picked up home skipper Lindsay as DC showed the rest of the side that catching was possible this far out into the country. 

Culham for Manderston however started to take the game away from the visitors with some exceptionally clean hitting.  After several near misses he managed to hit one of the cars parked on the boundary but, showing the excellent hospitality that Manderston is famed for, the car in question was his own.  When Culham holed out on 52 things quietened down for a bit but the tail wagged well despite the best efforts of Thompson, DC and the returning Gill & Atkin.  The home side ended on 223 all out but had we held half the chances that we were given the total would have been nearer 150.  Particularly unlucky were Pete Gill & DC who bowled much better than their figures suggested.

The main business of the day could now begin and all the pre-match hype about the quality of the tea would be put to the test.  Needless to say it did not disappoint.  The youth wing was particularly appreciative of the proportion of sweet to savoury – reminiscent of the ancient Greek’s fascination with the Golden Ratio.  They can only hope that this Manderston Ratio appears as frequently on the tea tables of ESCA as the Golden Section appears in nature.

In reply Beattie & Kujawa made a steady start in contrasting style to the Manderston openers - solid defence and hitting the bad ball along the ground.  Theywere starting to build a more than useful platform but a poor call saw Kujawa run out for 11.  Thompson joined Beattie and was looking good until he missed a straight ball from the tall Ebner.  Beattie followed almost immediately offering a catch which the home skipper safely pouched.  That brought Ruairidh Main & Robertson Snr to the crease and they both played some powerful shots to get the scoreboard moving in the right direction.  They had put on 40 in short order when Main planted the ball over midwicket for what looked like a certain boundary, only to see Culham run back, spring into the air and take a spectacular one-handed catch. 

This did allow the skipper’s plan to get both Robertsons batting together to come to fruition although it only lasted one ball as Martin skied one to the keeper.  Atkin and Robertson Jnr then formed the most significant partnership of the day with some sensible running allied with some big hits.  With Archie closing in on his dad’s total he ensured his lift home by getting himself bowled for 21.  The skipper came and went leaving Atkin to shepherd with the tail, but he too perished trying to force the run rate.  Ben D’Ulisse joined Gill and hit a couple of lusty blows before another poor call saw him run out to bring DC, and his still unsponsored bat, to the crease.  The remaining overs were seen out without major incident as Carlton finished on 166 for 9.

An excellent day all round – a shame we couldn’t have held a few more chances to make it more competitive.  Many thanks to Manderston for their hospitality.