Carlton 5th XI 2016 Fixtures and Results


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Saturday 30th April 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Carlton 5s
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Glenrothes 4s
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101 all out

Keith Murray 53

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112 for 2

The Famous 5s made their much anticipated league debut on Saturday 29 April 2016. The weather in the preceding days had hinted at difficult conditions but as it turned out any residual snow had melted in the morning sun, and although the Peffermill artificial was warmer then feared, the requisite number of layers was still 5. Inspiration and mentor Fantasy Bob was on hand throughout and took the necessary team photo for posterity.  The inaugural selection featured 3 father and son combinations (Burgess, McIntyre and Robertson), 3 fathers whose sons were required at dizzier heights of the Carlton firmament (Richard, John & David), Pete and Keith.  Glenrothes4s were always going to be a stiff test.

Glens 4s won the toss and invited Captain Beattie to bat first. Keith and Richard opened up with steady progress made in the first few overs. In over 5 Richard cautiously left a wide one and then incautiously left a straight one.  11/1. Pete joined Keith and after getting off the mark was beaten by a straight one that didn’t bounce, 17/2. There was excitement  as Martin strode purposefully to the middle, the team’s 2 heavy weight batters together promised much. After a solid start he went big but not quite big enough to be caught at mid off 28/3. Skipper Beattie felt inwardly aggrieved to be adjudged LBW early on (but then batsmen are never really out in those circumstances) 31/4. David got a skidder 35/5. Some strong off side shots from Euan with good running by both saw the score creep past 50 before Euan swung too early at a straight one and left for 8: 59/6.  Craig survived a couple of runout attempts, the first “requiring” a commando style role to a point some 15 yards past the stumps; it was only as the ground started to rise in the foothills of Arthur’s Seat that he finally came to a halt. One particularly prolific over for Carlton, where the number of deliveries was comfortably into double figures, saw the score march towards 100 before Craig was bowled for 3, 95/7. Archie had joined Keith who moved serenely to a maiden half century before holing out for a crucial 53; a combination of boundaries and shuttle runs – never more than 2 at a time – had also added to Keith’s fitness level (100/8).

Phil survived an over and as Archie tried to push on he was caught bringing Rua to what promised to be a momentous father and son reunion.  Sadly the excitement overcame the senior McIntyre as he departed next ball, leaving Rua and the gathered WOMB (wifes or mothers and brothers) crowd wondering what might have been. 101 all out in 35 overs was less than had been hoped for but still gave the 5s something to defend once they had navigated tea. 

Tea was taken alfresco with a plentiful supply of hot beverages, sandwiches, empire biscuits and assorted cakes, and with the determination of Pete to be fit it also meant that the “Gill scones” were on the menu. David’s admiration of Martin’s box was explained away as being a reference to his kit bag, either way Martin’s equipment was well protected.

And so to the field. Pete and Archie opened up and an early breakthrough by Pete saw Keith take a solid catch at point to dismiss Duthie with the score on 6. We started to dream. There was energetic and vocal fielding from all ages, Archie and Euan were alert and Craig debuting (quite a long way) behind the stumps put his body on the line repeatedly stopping more balls than could reasonably have been expected. With the presidential decree ringing in his ears John had set a judicious young/old/young field to ensure that should gaps be found there was always a nominated chaser in the vicinity, Martin was alert to any potential policy breaches. 

 

Euan replaced Archie and bowled with aggression (sometimes toward the wicketkeeper – but that will be sorted out at the next Burgess mealtime) and Rua replaced Pete who had bowled 6 straight with his injured right hand. In his second over Rua produced a corker that took the off stump of the dangerous Kirkman for 26 (53/2), could it happen? At drinks Phil left the field and Glens offered a replacement fielder who contributed well despite the commentary of batters and umpires alike. The runs from the bat all but dried up but with too many wide balls throughout the innings the score continued to increase. John turned to his more experienced bowlers (chronologically speaking anyway) and David and Richard joined the “attack”.  They continued the pattern of the youth attack and didn’t concede many from the bat but were occasionally wayward. Pete returned to seek the breakthrough but it wasn’t there and the winning run finally came, appropriately enough, from a wide in the 34th over.  We woke up.

An eight wicket defeat wasn’t in the fairytale script but a solid fielding performance (there were no catches dropped, no overthrows and only a couple of extra runs when a younger body might have got down a bit quicker) gave encouragement to the captain and our mentor Fantasy Bob.   Thanks to Glens4 for a match played in good spirit and we wish them well for the rest of the season, apart from the return match.  Final word however must go to Keith for his momentous innings and catch, sadly 1 week early in terms of Fantasy League points! 

 

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Saturday 7th May 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Holy Cross 3s
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Carlton 5s
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307 for 8

Dave Carter 4 for 45

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112 all out

On the day Grange 1st and 2nd Cricket XI’s were comprehensively beaten by Carlton’s top two teams, Grange 1st XI Hockey Club proved themselves to be the best cricketers in Stockbridge. Faced with a shortage of players midweek, rather than call off, Holy Cross drafted in 6 of the Grange 1st Hockey IX to face Carlton’s Famous 5s at Inverleith. Behind the wins at Portgower Place and Grange Loan half the Carlton players on show had come through the junior ranks and started their adult cricketing careers in the club's primordial adult team. Against Holy Cross that principle continued as Jamie Beattie (10) and Gavin Murray (11) made their senior debuts alongside 3 other juniors, 3 father-son combinations (Burgess’s, Robertson’s, Murray’s) and two really old blokes (Carter, Barrett).

On a cold damp day Carlton won the toss and chose to field. There was early success for opening bowler Euan Burgess bowling left hander McMonable in his first over. After that Holy Cross played with the freedom of a T20 game. Hogarth and Donaldson smashed 62 in the next 10 overs, assisted by a couple of dropped catches off the unfortunate Rua McIntyre, until first change Jamie Beattie, on debut with his first ball in senior cricket, had Donaldson caught at cover by Martin Robertson. Jamie (below) became the youngest senior debutant, youngest senior wicket taker in his family besting older brother Angus by a year. Bilsland (bowled Thaivalappil) followed quickly before Graham joined Hogarth to propel Holy Cross to 144–3 at the drinks break.

Post orange squash Carlton unleased the indomitable Carter, back from his two year sabbatical to find himself, and we learned after 5 balls his journey of self-discovery had been worthwhile bowling Hogarth with the final ball of his come back over. Handshakes all round rather than high fives and fist bumps reminded us of how cricket use to be. Holy Cross continued to accelerate predominantly off the bat of Ferreria who made a remarkable 94 batting at 8 to take Holy Cross to 307-8 off their 40 overs. The last over of the innings was bowled by Gavin Murray to the South African clubber in full flow and 14 away from his hundred. Gavin bowled with great skill preventing any boundaries and was able to celebrate his first senior wicket as Martin Robertson took an excellence catch on the cover point boundary off the last ball of the innings. Seven bowlers were used, all took a bit of tap from the Hockey Stars but special mentions to Dave Carter (7-0-45-4) and Euan Burgess (8-0-43-1).

After a short outing to Arboretum Road for an excellent tea, a haberdashery of culinary notions, the Carlton reply began. Openers Barrett and Euan Burgess departed quickly. The Robertsons rallied until they fell in successive balls, caught by the same fielder, both at cover point, off the same bowler …. Archie (29, below), Martin (17). Hari hit a few lusty blows (Thaivalappil 16) but after those losses it was an opportunity for batting practice. Rua McIntyre (8) and Jamie Beattie (4 no) dug in and showed great batting promise. Eventually the Carlton innings closed at 112 in the 33rd over. Congratulations to Archie on his top senior score.

It was a record number of runs scored (112) by the Famous 5s, a record number of runs conceded (307), a record margin of defeat (195 runs), a record number of stratospheric catches dropped (13) but most importantly a record number of points gained (7). Although only two games into what will be a long and successful venture for Carlton Cricket Club it’s already providing opportunities for young cricketers to have fun and learn the game against competitive but social adults. Congratulations and many thanks to our friends at Holy Cross for finding a way to get the game played and special mention to club legend Colin McGill for umpiring through both innings. Look forward to the reverse fixture in July.

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Saturday 14th May 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
W Carlton 5s
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Leith FAB 2s
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136 for 4

Keith Murray 57*, Hari Thaivalapill 31

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135 for 8
Pete Gill 3 for 16

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On the day Jamala notched up the Ukraine’s second win of the prestigious Eurovision Song Contest with a song about the deportation of Crimean Tatars under Josef Stalin, Carlton’s Famous Fives were in search of their first win in ESCA’s esteemed Division 8 with an eclectic mix of cricketers under the guidance of Barnacle Barrett. The Carlton Selection Illuminati continued to deliver on their Five’s policy of giving debut to the junior talent in the club, this time calling on the services of Euan Hutchison – a leg spinning, all-rounder. On a bright, sunny, warm and decidedly un-peffermill like day Leith won the toss and elected to bat.

Carlton’s new ball tandem Pete Gill and Hari Thaivalappil bowled the greatest opening spell in Five’s history. First Soni feathered one through to Barnacle behind the stumps (Leith 1-2), next an even better ball from Pete induced a nick behind from Lekhwar (Leith 2-2) before Hari bowled the ball of the day to remove top bat John Watt (Leith 6-3). Pete’s final over of his spell was a double wicket maiden trapping first Skeggs, then Narendran, both leg before leaving Leith on 17-5 after 11 overs. Leith’s recovery was led by Mann who found an able partner in Barrass. Against miserly bowling from Dave Carter (8-1-19-0) and Jamie Beattie (4-0-11-0), they carefully moved the score to 41 without further loss at drinks. The 55 years age difference in the “Carter-Beattie” bowling tandem was yet another record for the Fabulous Fives, it may even be a world record eclipsing the 50 years from spin twins Patrick Stewart and Jennifer Lawrence “X-Men vs Marvel’s Avengers T20”.

Immediately after the break Euan Hutchison was introduced for his first spell of senior bowling. Initially plagued by the curse of all leg spinners Euan quickly found length and line and settled in to an excellent spell. Beating the bat on numerous occasions with big rippers and even more impressive googlies he was unlucky to remain wicketless (Hutchison 6-0-35-0) – wickets will inevitably follow in future games. Leith’s recovery was interrupted when Archie Robertson ran out Barrass (16, Leith 98-6). The innings was closed out by the combination Hari/Pete from one end and Gavin Murray from the other. For the second week running Gavin yielded no boundaries, supported by superhuman contributions from Dad Alan & Uncle Keith at long-off and long-on, and capturing two wickets (Murray 4-0-21-2). Hari (8-1-17-2) and Pete (8-4-16-3) concluded an excellent afternoon’s work and with the triad of Murrays defending the “V”, Leith finished on 135-8 off their 40 overs with skipper Mann left unbeaten after compiling an excellent 85.

After a sumptuous tea with a span likely to accommodate any dietary or religious restriction the Carlton reply began. Openers Keith Murray and John Beattie made a largely untroubled start. Careful defence, scurried singles and the occasional sweet boundary took the partnership to 40 before John (Beattie 20) was bowled by the useful Narendran. Archie (Robertson 1) followed soon after and Hari joined Keith with the score on 51-2 after 21 overs. Keith’s earlier boundary heroics, protecting his nephew's bowling average, took its toll on his good knee and a runner was required for the damaged flange – normally at this level that’s the onset of confusion and carnage but luckily we had a sibling DNA match sat on the boundary in the form of brother Alan, not quite Dolly the Sheep but close enough. Keith (below) adopted the pose of a man of leisure strolling 5 paces to bat then commanding his brother to run under the burning sun.

From square leg I sensed a deep seated undercurrent of revenge unfolding before me. Hari played beautifully, very straight, clean crisp singles combined with occasional big boy power to propel the ball onto the neighbouring rugby field. Hari lost his leg stump to his first errant shot of the day (Thaivalappil 31, Carlton 111-3 after 33 overs), Euan (Hutchison 2, Carlton 114-4, 35 overs) was done by one that kept incredibly low prompting Pete Gill to join the Murray brothers in the middle with 22 needed off 5 overs. Composed batting from Pete (Gill 9 no), a couple of timely sweeps from Keith (Murray 59 no) and some more lung busting running from Murray senior brought the Famous Fives to their first victory in league cricket with one over to spare.

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Sunday 22nd May 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Carlton 5
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Watsonian 4
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156 for 7

Richard Allardice 35, Alan Murray 33

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210 for 7

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In 399 BC Plato witnessed the trial of his mentor Socrates at the hands of 501 Athenian men. Socrates was accused of corrupting the youth of Athens and blaspheming local gods with his philosophical view that the soul was the seat of waking consciousness and of moral character. Although Socrates defended himself eloquently against these charges, he failed to convince the jury of his peers, was found guilty of impiety and sentenced to death by hemlock poisoning. Plato’s recount of the trial “Apologia Sokratous” (the Defense of Socrates), reminds us that a frank expression of regret for wrong done is a noble and commemorated event. Last week I mistakenly referred to Alan Murray as the elder of the Murray Brothers which was a mistake and I offer an unconditional apology. Keith is the senior brother – apparently he is really old.

Once again the Carlton Selection Illuminati delivered up two junior debutants in Murray Johnson and Charlie Kentish in a side comprising 6 juniors and 5 adults to face the might of Watsonians 4’s. The famous Fives were denied the guarantee of runs from Murray senior who was still recovering from last weeks damaged flange. Carlton won the toss and chose to bowl first on their first outing on the hallowed grounds of Grange Loan.

Carlton started with the P7 tandem of Rua McIntyre and Murray Johnson, the youngest opening pair in Fives history. The Myreside openers made steady and largely untroubled progress until A Cousin (who’s I do not know?) smote one to cow corner for what looked like a certain boundary until Richard Allardice rose like Inspector Gadget, stuck out a telescopic arm to pull it from the sky (Watsonians 42-1). Change bowler “Murray the Elder of the Junior Murrays” struck with his first ball when Dickinson nicked off, simple catch to Barnacle behind the stumps (45-2). Timmins smashed a rapid 30 until Alan’s seductive outswing induced a wild pirouette, bowling him middle stump (91-3, A Murray 5-0-33-2). At the other end, last week’s debutant Ewan Hutchison twirled his leggies ….. first three overs 0-21, next 3 overs 1-7 as the young man found his rhythm – lovely stuff, bowling Weavers to give Ewan his first senior wicket (Hutchison 6-0-28-1). At the drinks break our vistors totalled 105 - 4.


After drinks Carter took up residence at the Pavilion end, bowling unchanged in a typical miserly spell (Carter 8-0-25-0) as we rotated first Gavin Murray and then Charlie Kentish at the Lovers Lane End. On the batting front the second half of the Watsonian innings belonged to skipper Ewan Robertson, ably supported by first Tony Brian (21), the new Chair of Cricket Scotland and then by an excellent knock from Watson’s Junior W Marshall (26). In between Milligan was dispatched caught and bowled by Gavin Murray (“Murray the Younger of the Junior Murrays”).

Then it happened, 52 balls into his senior career Gavin was finally hit for a boundary…. In fairness it was a boundary of the very highest quality through cover off the bat of Robertson… despite an official complaint to Cricket Scotland the boundary stood, another first never to be repeated (G Murray 4-0-25-1). With his score on 48 Robertson hit his cleanest shot of the day, straight just clearing the bails at the non-strikers end. Umpire Dickinson, standing military fashion and arms behind his back, was struck in the place that causes all grown men to giggle, collapsing like a sack of potatoes. After a few minutes he had to be helped off the field and a replacement umpire sent out…”one ball left” was the shout from the scorer’s table – we wish him a full recovery. Charlie’s debut spell in senior cricket was brilliant effort (Kentish 4-0-30-0), first over went for a few but once he figured out it was a longer pitch than usual Charlie adapted and finished with three tight overs that will serve him well in the many games to come. Off the last ball of the innings Murray claimed his first senior wicket, Robertson edging behind where Barnacle tumbling in instalments clung on as the ball hit the glove. (Robertson 67, Johnson 6-1-26-1, Watsonians 210 - 7).

During the tea break Bertie the Murray family dog treated us all to his famous impersonation of a chicken. Barking like a chicken is no mean feat and Bertie is a sure fire contender for next year’s Britain’s Got Talent.

Inspector Gadget and Ewan opened up for the Fives before Ewan departed bowled by Timmins (13-1). Archie and Richard progressed nicely until a misjudged single found Archie a couple of yards shy of safety (Robertson 14, 37-2). Iain found the leg spin of MacLaine too much to resist and after clubbing him for a couple behind square missed the next one and was bowled (I Johnson 2, 46-3). Carlton’s total was built on a Fives record 72 run partnership between Richard and Alan. Richard fell for 35 (118-4) but went home head held high as the highest scorer in the Allardice family over the weekend.

The Fives lost Murray Johnson (120-5), Alan chipped a leading edge to cover (Murray 33, 134-6) and we didn’t need a referendum from 501 Athenians to decide Barrett was plumb lbw to Brian (Barrett 8, 144-7). Maximum batting points were secured by Rua (12 no) and Gavin (0 no) just before a rain deluge ended the reply 3 overs early with Carlton at 156 – 7 … a record Fives total. The Carlton total benefited from a Fives record number of extras (52). During one particularly profligate period Carter’s repeated signalling of wides, byes, no-balls and leg byes looked like a navy crewman semaphoring instructions to the pavilion … “arms are tired, please send rum” suggested the doughty groundsman.

Top day of cricket at Grange Loan, Carlton Juniors again performed and thanks to all the parents for turning up to help with tea and umpiring. Watsonians ran out worthy winners, splendid group, good luck to them for the rest of the season.


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Sunday 29th May Noon

ESCA Division Eight
W Carlton 5s
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Murrayfield DAFS 4s
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123 for 4

David Simpson 41*, Martin Robertson 30*

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121 all out
Dave Carter 5 for 21, Murray Johnson 3 for 7,

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Horologists around the world bristled with the news that Dave Carter turned up early for the Famous Fives game against Hip Hop rivals M-DAFS. There were concerns that the Atomic clock that sits in the Carlton scoreboard was running fast, that Carlton Universal Time (CUT) was out of sync with GMT and maybe even the space-time continuum that we hear so much about in every episode of Dr Who had finally been disrupted at Peffermill.  Dave participated fully in the pre-match warm up and didn’t look out of place dropping catches, checking juniors for sun cream and discussing if we had mini-rolls or chocolate fingers for tea. 

For the fifth week running the Carlton Selection Illuminati served up a junior debutant in the form of Cameron Keatinge in a side showing a characteristic Fives bimodal distribution of juniors and veterans.  For the first time in its brief history it was also a Murray-free XI missing Murray the Elder, Murray the Junior, Murray the Junior of the Juniors and Bertie the Chicken Dog who is now ensconced as Fives mascot.  On a blisteringly hot day a fully limbered up Carton XI won the toss and decided to bowl.

A miserly opening spell from Jamie (Junior of the Junior Beattie’s) and Murray (Johnson Clan not Murray Clan) restricted M-DAFS to 14 off the first 9.  First change Ewan benefited when his dragged down loosener was slapped into the hands of Iain Johnson at square leg …. Excellent catch (20-1, 11 overs).  Cameron bowled an impressive spell on debut, booming inswing and was unlucky not to pick up a couple of wickets.  However, in baking heat, on a slow low unresponsive batting track M-DAFS progressed steadily.  After the drinks break Carter was introduced at the rail road end ….. Was he still loose from the pre-match warm up or had he completely seized up?  First ball smashed for 4, more runs followed, 99-1 at 24overs (Carter 0-13 off 2).  What followed next was the most amazing batting collapse I’ve ever witnessed:  25th over, treble wicket maiden (Carter), 26th 1 wicket/1 run (Johnson), 27th 2 wickets/1 run (Carter), 28th wicket maiden (Johnson), 29th 1 run (Carter), 30th 1 run/1wicket (Johnson).  In 6 overs M-DAFS lost 8 wickets for 4 runs and sat despondent at 103-9 after 30 overs.  The last two bats nursed the bowing until Jamie trapped Fotherinham leg before and DAFS closed on 121, bowled out in the 37th over.

After a scrumptious tea, John Beattie and David Simpson led the Fives reply.  John was done by one that ran along the ground (Beattie 2, 10-1) and number three Archie followed soon after, bowled off his pads (Robertson 1, 11-2).   Dave and Iain Johnson put Carlton on the road to victory with a patient partnership of 64 in 17 overs before Iain was run out (Johnson 16, 75-3).  One brings two is the old saying and not wanting to dispel that superstition Cameron, caught out by the slowness of the pitch, played early and chipped up a simple catch (Keatinge 1, 75-4, 23 overs).   Still 47 needed but plenty of overs left to compile a measured victory.  Martin Robertson, fresh from his most recent round of failed anger management sessions decided it was too hot to run around, taking the first ball to demonstrate his famous forward defensive prod thereafter “if it was up, it was off” ….. And 26 balls later we were off (Carlton 122-4, 27.3 overs, Simpson 45no, Robertson 34no).  Martin’s sequence of runs (214-444-3624) read like a direct line to a Nigerian Prince who had amassed a stolen fortune, we warned the juniors off from even attempting to bat like that.

Many who are unschooled in the beauty of cricket see it as a slow one paced game that drags on and on.  It’s clear, in my experience, these folks also fail to comprehend the subtle changes in rhythm of great dances like the Waltz and its many derivitised forms (Viennese Waltz, Slow Waltz, Cajun Waltz, Hesitation Waltz etc.). On Saturday Carlton's dance was more akin to the Foxtrot (slow slow quick quick slow) where the changes of pace are more obvious.  99-1 off 144 balls becames 103-9 in 32 balls, 75-4 off 138 balls became 122-4 26 balls later.

Excellent day’s cricket played in the best of spirits with a great bunch of guys from M-DAFS.  Thanks to Ali and team, we wish them the best of luck overturning N-DUBZ and the Rizzle Kicks at the top of British Hip Hop and greatly look forward to the return at Roseburn later in the summer.  Carlton Juniors again performed brilliantly with the ball:  Murray (8-3-7-3), Jamie (6.5-0-25-1), Cameron (8-0-34-0), Ewan (6-0-29-1).  Top Batting from David (45no), Martin (34no) and Iain (16) but amongst all of that a match winning performance from DC (Carter 8-0-21-5)

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Saturday 4th June 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Carlton 5s
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Clackmannan County 2s
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185 all out

Annette Drummond 55, Hari Thaivalapill 39

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191 for 5
Hari Thaivalapill 3 for 30

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Week 6 brought another first as a trio of Scottish Wildcats gave the Fives International status in the ESCA Division 8 fixture against Clackmannan County 2nd XI.  Carlton won the toss and chose to bowl first on a sloping artificial at a baking hot Cavalry Park.  Fabien Despinoy made his debut, the latest U13 talent off the junior production line.


Pete Gill and Katie McGill took the new ball and bowled an excellent opening spell against Hutchison and Oliver.  The Clackmannan openers batted patiently, against the rotisserie of bowlers through to the drinks break (72-0).  DC made the breakthrough bowling Hutchison for an excellent 35 (87-1) and with the door open Hari followed up quickly removing batters 3 and 4 (89-3).  Thoughts of a precipitous collapse were quickly dismissed as Oliver senior, joined by Oliver Junior, dug in and the two enjoyed some quality family time in a 41 run partnership before Hari bowled Junior (A Oliver 16, 130-4).  With the score on 152 Oliver senior was finally removed (lbw Willis, 72, 152-5).  Deacon and Smith smote enthusiastically at the end and Clacks closed on 191-5 off their allocated overs.


Taking nothing away from an excellent batting performance, Carlton errors in the field contributed to the total.  Barnacle messed up a routine run out, like a man keeping in clown boots, somehow managing to stand on the spring mechanism of the stumps to drop the bails half a second before Pete's throw from square leg demolished them.  In a second reprieve for opener Oliver, Annette dropped surely the simplest catch of her career, a slow looping top edge to second slip.  Now, in complete fairness, Annette can argue that she was distracted by the trumpeting presence in her peripheral vision of Keith Murray charging towards her like a rhinoceros intent on overturning a jeep.  Catching under the duress of unannounced, stampeding beasts is a worthy fielding exercise to add to practice (Pete Steindl please take note).


Anyone that's ever taken up the pen recognises that scoring is difficult but some mistakes are indefensible.  Our willing volunteers, clearly schooled at the "Stevie Wonder Academy of Scoring", somehow confused Ruth Willis and Hari Thiavalappil, erroneously attributing one of Hari's overs to Ruth.  I can confirm the Congleton accent from the Cheshire Plain is easily confused with a lilt from Kerela at the south west tip of India and baggy cricket whites can create false silhouettes, a liberal daubing of sun factor 50 resembling an Egyptian death mask can disguise ethnicity at a distance and a blonde ponytail could be mistaken for........ but they were bowling from different ends.... inexcusable..... Sponsorship from specsavers is in the bag.


Although a significant total, we were pretty confident of chasing it down... Decent pitch, short boundaries (a 1 or 4, clover laden, outfield).... Just needed to bat sensibly and bat out the overs.  After surviving a couple of balls that attempted to decapitate him, Richard was deceived by one that pitched on middle and hit halfway up middle.... Cunning variation from A Oliver (Allardice 2, Carlton 3-1).  Keith, pumped up after grazing at the waterhole between innings, took a fancy to the short leg side boundary and clubbed a quick 19 before an inside edge onto pad looped through to the keeper.... Keith sportingly walked to save the blushes of an elderly umpire easily confused by the complexity of sounds on offer (Murray 19,  28-2).  Ewan and Pete soon followed (Hutchison 2, 30-3, Gill 4, 51-4) before Annette and Hari combined for Carlton's best partnership of the day.  Hari eventually fell for an excellent 39 (117-5) but Annette continued to bat beautifully.  As we accelerated, wickets fell at regular intervals (Willis 2, Despinoy 8, Drummond 55, McGill 12) and at 163-9, with 28 needed off 4, Carter brought his canoe out to bat. Tribesmen of the Irrigawa tribe, the water people from deepest Borneo, huddled around the crystal set as their ancient relic was given its second voyage of the season  Their sacrifices were rewarded as Carter smote one off the bow over mid wicket for six.  More offers of sponsorship are expected to follow, stickers will surely soon appear on the pristine wood... RNLI are favourites to win the deal. With six balls left, 9 runs were still needed, two singles of the first two balls, surely not......Dave attempting to repeat his earlier heroics caught a bottom edge and dragged one back onto off stump.... Clacks win by 6 runs.

This was the most disappointing loss of the season.  Previously we have won all the games we should have won and lost all the games we should have lost.  This was the first time that we lost a game we should have won.  Hopefully a good lesson for the juniors on the importance of small margins and the fatal accumulation of what seem to be inconsequential events at the time. A few less wides or byes, a few more easily pushed singles to keep the scoreboard moving, a clean catch, executing a straightforward run out and the importance of batting all the overs, four more balls .....would have guaranteed a win.  

Many thanks to Annette, Katie and Ruth.... Fantastic opportunity for the juniors to play with and learn from proper cricketers.  Top batting performances from Annette and Hari, Pete (5-1-14-0), Fabien (6-0-26-0), Rut-H-ari (16-0-64-4) excellent with the ball.

Congratulations to Scott & the boys from Clackmannan, I thought the openers batted particularly well and the lower order threw the bat effectively against what was our strongest bowling unit of the season.  A great day’s cricket, down to the last over is always fun.

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Sunday 12th June 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
  RHC 3
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Carlton 5
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RAINED OFF
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Sunday 19th June 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
  Carlton 5 v
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Penicuik 3
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125 all out

MATCH ABANDONED

Scorecard

On the face of it there are few similarities between the Famous Fives' encounter with Penicuik 3s on the hallowed turf of Grange Loan and Barcelona’s Sagrada Familia – the church designed by Antoni Gaudi as a fusion of Gothic and Art Nouveau styles.  Work started on the basilica in 1882 and progressed slowly relying as it did on private donations for funding.  Construction was interrupted by the Spanish Civil War and it has only recently reached its halfway point.  Cynical economists wonder about the incentives in play and speculate that it may never be finished.  As no economist has ever speculated anything about the Famous Fives and the Carlton Council have publicly disclosed that the heady mix of youth and experience that makes up the Fives is funded by a consortium of empire biscuit manufacturers, the similarities must lie elsewhere.  The workers in the Catalan capital toil away under sweltering skies while the Fives operate in the East of Scotland during what passes for summer so that is not the connection either.

Making his debut as skipper Dunc Sutherland won the toss and elected to field first.  With rain forecast later in the day this would give the home side the best chance of both a result and getting the youngsters involved in the game.  Opening the bowling with himself and Cameron Keatinge the Carlton skip kept things fairly tight early on.  Dunc soon found opener Tait’s edge and the ball looped between gully and point.  Defying age, and ultimately gravity, Keith Murray made good ground to his left to take a fine catch.  His mid-air heroics did leave him landing heavily on the worse of his two knees although thankfully there was little damage done to the Grange Loan square.  Jamie Beattie replaced Cameron and immediately created chances with his away swing.  One dropped safely but a second lofted drive over cover from visiting skipper Perry saw fellow junior Gavin Murray backpedal and leap to take a blinding catch above his head.  Two great grabs from the extended Murray family and Penicuik were in trouble at 31 for 2 after 10.  Fresh from his catching exploits Gavin replaced Dunc and bowled a tidy spell in tandem with Jamie.  Euan Hutchinson came on for Jamie and Charlie Kentish replaced Gavin and just before drinks Euan tempted opener Charleson to hit one in the air to extra cover where Gavin completed a much more straightforward catch.  Immediately after drinks Charlie got reward for his good line and length with Mundin hitting the ball straight to Keith at point and then Wilson top-edging a delivery to Euan at fine leg. 

Morris and Heasman combined well before Euan got Morris hitting in the air and after one failed attempt Al Murray got in on the family catching act holding onto a good running catch.  Jamie came back and bowled another fine spell and the tight bowling forced Penicuik to take one chance too many and Al and Finn combined to run out Rodger.  Al replaced Euan and seemed to challenge Newton’s laws of motion when he sent Heasman’s middle stump flying in his first over of gentle medium pace.  Dunc also came back and bowled Law as the threatened rain started to fall.  Al finished proceedings with a loopy off-spinner which clattered into the stumps to leave the visitors all out for 125.  The rain was getting heavier and the covers were put on (albeit at a slightly jaunty angle) as both sides retired for a well deserved tea.

Gav Rittoo would have had his work cut out to rate the fine selection of sandwiches, savouries, fruit and cakes on offer.  While all of the major food groups were covered the tea was particularly strong on cake front, but given the demographic of both teams this was not a cause for alarm.

Sadly the rain continued and despite the younger element of the team going outside to play on the outfield they weren’t fooling anyone that it was fit to restart.  The skippers agreed that no more play would be possible and called it a day.  The contest remained unfinished.  Perhaps, like the Sagrada Familia, it will one day be completed but it seems unlikely especially without a change to the ESCA rules. 

Although disappointing not to be able to complete the match it was an excellent outing for the Famous Fives.  Finn did sterling work behind the stumps and it was a welcome return for Ian Thompson with some top quality ground fielding.  John Beattie contributed some fine chat and energetic fielding while Dunc marshalled the troops with aplomb.  Thanks also to Penicuik for the way they played the game –a fine environment for youngsters on both teams to develop in the game.

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Saturday 25th June 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
  Tranent 3 v
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Carlton 5
    away  

RAINED OFF

At 10:44am today the Famous Fives received the message that the game at Tranent had been called off after reports of "fish swimming at mid-off". Given the author of that message was none other than Carlton's esteemed author Fantasy Bob, a seeker of truth and a man who is not prone to exaggerating and embroidering facts, then we can only conclude the report was accurate.


There are precedents, the rain of flightless creatures has been reported throughout history. As early as the first century AD, Roman naturalist Pliny the Elder documented storms of frogs and fish. In 1794, French soldiers witnessed toads fall from the sky during heavy rain near the French city of Lille. In the rural habitants in Yoro, Honduras, 'fish rain' happens every summer, a phenomenon they call Lluvia de Peces.


The most likely explanation is meteorological, specifically involving tornadic waterspouts: a tornado that forms over land and travels over the water picking up and transporting animals to high altitudes, carrying them back overland before depositing them at traditional fielding positions. There are a large number of reported incidents:

▪ Singapore, February 22, 1861
▪ Madhesh, Nepal, May 15, 1900
▪ Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada, July 1, 1903
▪ Markville, Louisiana, October 23, 1947
▪ Kerala State, India, February 12, 2008
▪ Bhanwad, Jamnagar, India, Oct 24, 2009
▪ Lajamanu, Northern Territory, Australia, February 25 and 26, 2010
▪ Loreto, Agusan del Sur, Philippines, January 13, 2012
▪ Madras, Chennai, Tamil Nadu, Sep 12, 2013
▪ The yearly Lluvia de Peces in Yoro, Honduras
▪ Chilaw, Sri Lanka, 6 May 2014
▪ Nandignama, Andhra Pradesh, India, 19 June 2015
▪ Guntur, Andhra Pradesh, India, 16 August 2015
▪ Dire Dawa, Ethiopia, 20 January 2016
▪ Pathapatnam, Srikakulam District, Anghra, India, 19 May 2016

To this list we can now add: Tranent, East Lothian, Scotland, 25th June 2016. Wikipedia update to follow.

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Saturday 2nd July 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Glenrothes 4 v
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Carlton 5
 

106 all out

Jamie Beattie 4 for 21

away

103 all out
Shaun Barrett 33

Scorecard

On August 5th 2011 NASA’s Juno probe was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Base to begin its 1.8 billion mile trip to study Jupiter's composition, its gravity field and polar magnetosphere. The spacecraft, powered by three solar array wings, the largest ever deployed on a planetary probe would take 5 years to reach its destination, travelling at an average speed of 60,000 mph. Sharing NASA’s innate desire to explore new horizons, Carlton’s Famous Fives ventured farther afield than ever before, crossing the Forth Road Bridge for the first time and while the trip to Glenrothes was considerably shorter and the average speed significantly less than the Juno Mission it was no less historic. Powered by Shell’s Super Unleaded Petrol four cars with their payload of cricketers sped to Gilvenbank Park.

Carlton’s Selection Illuminati presented a perfectly balanced team comprising 5 adults and 6 juniors In spite of the havoc caused by the combination of summer holidays plus Junior Cup and Club fixtures on the Sunday – many thanks to them. Hari Kallat made his bow in the Fives and Duncan Greenshields, eager to put his stamp on the game, made his senior debut for the club. Glen’s skipper, Ian Green, a worldly man, spotted Carlton’s doubled headed trick coin, called “heads” and asked Carlton to bowl first.

On an artificial surface with variable bounce at one end, Murray and Fabien bowled a tight opening spell, both claiming early wickets (Glens 24-2, 9 overs). Euan and Jamie maintained the pressure with Jamie bowling an impressive 5 over spell before the break (3-15) to leave Glens at 54-5 at drinks. After the break it didn’t get any easier with first Hari and then Duncan continuing to bowl with great control. Only Dodds (25) and Dryburgh (18) managed to wrestle control from the Carlton attack. Glens were bowled out at the end of the 38th over for 106. Both Hari and Duncan claimed wickets on debut.

Rolling Stones tribute band, Keith and Richard, got Carlton’s reply off to a satisfactory start. The introduction of Dodds in the 12th over swung the game towards Glens. Carlton crashed from 34-0 to 43-6 inside 40 balls (Allardice 17, Murray 14, Dodds 4-2-7-5, 18 overs bowled) to 51-7 after 23 overs. Partnerships of 25 (Greenshields & Barrett) and 22 (Craig Burgess & Barrett) took Carlton close until Barrett (35) played across one that kept low and was cleaned up (97-9). Craig was last man out (Burgess 1) leaving Jamie unbeaten on 5. Carlton lost by 3 runs. Man of the Match contribution from Dodds (25 & 8-2-13-6) in a low scoring game where 16 of the 20 wickets to fall were bowled, 13 from the “peashooter” end.

When we set off on our mission to Fife, the weather maps suggested we had little chance of getting a full game in. Apart from a 30 minute break where the heavens opened we played uninterrupted, clearly Jupiter the “God of the Sky and Lightning” was watching down on us and took pity. Congratulations to all the Juniors on show, first time I can remember of a Junior attack bowling out a Senior side inside the designated 40 overs. Impossible to single out any one bowler, so I won’t ….. Fantastic from Fabien Despinoy (8-0-27-2), Murray Johnson (6-0-14-1), Euan Burgess (6-3-4-1), Jamie Beattie (8-0-24-4), Hari Kallat (5-0-24-1) and Duncan Greenshields (5-0-11-1). Better batting from the adults would have secured a deserved victory. Congratulations to Ian & Glens 4, very generous to our juniors and appropriately irreverent to all adults (themselves included) … a fun game to play in.

In the car on the way back Duncan revealed Juno was within 3.4 million miles of Jupiter, its orbit-insertion burn would commence in 57 hours and at that point streams of telemetry would begin their 48 minute journey back to earth ….. Co-incidentally about the same time it took us to conclude the drive back to Grange Loan.

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Saturday 9th July 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
W Carlton 5
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v
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Holy Cross 3
    home
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MATCH CONCEDED BY HOLY CROSS 3s
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Saturday 16th July 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Leith FAB 2 v
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Carlton 5
 

59 for 1

away

54 all out

Scorecard

 

“So this is your first ever counselling session Robert?  Can I call you Robert?”

“I prefer Bob, Fantasy Bob….. Why are you writing that down?”

“Fantasy Bob, thank you for documenting your feelings and unique perspectives on life in such great detail…. It was quite a tome….I must admit I found most of it incomprehensible, rambling at times and I was confused when you switched from a third person narrative to add an independent objective commentary by some-one called Ed…”

“Ed is the voice I hear in my head as I read….. Why are you writing that down?”

 “After careful study and consultation with colleagues at the Gustav Mahler clinic in Austria I think you are suffering from generalized anxiety disorder…..did you suffer repetitive emotional trauma as a child?  Do you have a stressful job?  Are many relying on you? Are responsibilities of state weighing you down?”

“I am Fantasy Bob and I am burdened with glorious purpose…..I am a member of a secret society, the Carlton Selection Illuminati, I am the moral authority for 22 cricketers starring for the Positively Fourth XI and Famous Fives every weekend…………….. Why are you writing that down?”

 “Sounds to me like you are doing a remarkable job and you should be very proud of delivering two cricket XIs every week, especially during peak holiday season … these are achievements to be celebrated….so why are you so anxious”

“We asked Shaun Barrett to skipper the Famous Fives…….”

“BARNACLE Barrett?”

“Yes…do you know him?”

“He’s my next appointment…..textbook delusional personality …. He thinks he’s a cricketer…”

“Can I write that down?”

 

Meanwhile over at Leith Links the Famous Five’s skipper was losing the toss to opposite number Callum Lawson and Carlton were inserted on a soggy, drying surface.  While the rest of the club was struggling to come to terms with 60 “non-availables” the Fives saw only opportunity …. A chance to blood new cricketers into senior cricket.  Six debutants on the day, four juniors (Aryan Singh, Mark McKay, Dylan Edwin and Toby Edwin) and we welcomed Heather Tait and Ikra Farooq, from Carlton’s all conquering Women’s team, for the first time. 

Richard and David opened and were first to experience the unpredictably of the bounce.  David played early to one that stopped from Skeggs (Simpson 2, 5-1) and his popped up return was pocketed.  Soon after, the same bowler had two identical dismissals as first Heather (Tait 1, 7-2) and next Dylan (Edwin 1, 11-3) spooned top edges to square leg … this wasn’t a pitch to play across the line on, especially to anything short.  Richard was undone by first change bowler John Watt (Allardice 12, 22-4) and the losses of Aryan (Singh 4), after a very gutsy & skillful batting display, and Ikra (Farooq 1) left Carlton struggling at 28 -6.  The best partnership of the day came from Toby and Barnacle who took the score to 50 before Toby fell to his first false shot of the day (Edwin 7, 50-7).  The wickets of Mark McKay (50-8) and David Main (51-9) brought Carter to the wicket….and with the memory of his smote six at Cavalry Park still clouding his conservatism, he aimed for the allotments, played early across the line and Inspector Gadget’s telescopic finger cranked skyward in installments and Dave was given out LBW (Carlton 54ao, Carter 2, Barrett 17 no)

After sampling the “Best Cup of Tea in Scotland” Dave and Ikra took the new ball.  Leith FAB 2’s openers Watt and McLachlan chasing a low total played aggressively in the absence of any scoreboard pressure.  Leith accelerated to an easy win by 9 wickets in the 12th over with Dave having Carlton’s only success in the wickets column (McLachlan 26, Watt 24 no, Carter 6-0-19-1, Farooq 4-3-13-0)

A disappointing day …. And an especially tough day for debuts …. Insufficient runs from the adult batters when batting first at the heart of the defeat.  Nevertheless delighted to give debuts to Aryan and Mark and we hope Dylan & Toby will be the Edwin Starr’s of the future.  All applied themselves in the field and with bat.  The lack of runs meant we were unable to give enough of the debutants a bowl and that was perhaps the most frustrating aspect of the day.  Heather and Ikra looked more than at home in ESCA League Cricket and show the value and strength of the women’s set up at Carlton….hope to have both of them back soon.

Thanks to Callum and the rest of the Leith Team …. Competitive but supportive of the juniors on show.  We were out bowled and out batted on the day, worthy winners and I wish Leith the best of luck for the remainder of the season.

 

“Barnacle we’ve had nearly 400 counselling sessions, I see no sign of progress…zilch, nada, zippo…”

“I think I'm making progress….it’s slow & steady, almost imperceivable, exactly like my batting, and you just can’t see it….I’m pacing myself”

“OK, demonstrate progress….share a profound insight that you have gained since we started these sessions?”

“If you eat a tin of Harry Ramsden’s Mushy Peas your wee turns fluorescent green”

“Oh my…..you’re as mad as a box of frogs”

“Can I have a second opinion?”

 

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Saturday 23rd July 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Watsonian 4 v
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Carlton 5
  213 for 4 away

117 all out

Alan Murray 39

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Saturday 30th July 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L MDAFS 4
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v
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Carlton 5
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  117 for 6 away

116 for 8

Euan Burgess 36

Scorecard

The definition of insanity (“parachuting – jumping out of a serviceable airplane”) was redefined this weekend when Luke Aikins chose to leave a fully functioning airplane at 25,000ft without a parachute. His master plan was to land in a net about the size of the Carlton cricket square suspended between four 200 foot tall cranes. Perhaps even more bizarrely the event was shown live across America by the FOX TV network and a grandstand was erected on site so Luke’s closest family and friends could witness his performance at first hand. There were no grandstands, no national TV coverage and no mothers sobbing uncontrollably as Carlton’s Famous Fives took on MDAFS at Roseburn.

Although there were no debutants this week the Selection Illuminati provided a perfectly balanced side of six juniors and five seasoned adults. We were delighted to see Ian Thompson return to the Carlton ranks for his first full game for 15 months, his wife and kids turned up to watch, no safety nets were needed, no tears were shed, he was in safe hands. Barnacle was easily outwitted by MDAFS skipper Ali Malik and Fives were inserted. Looking at the size of the boundaries & length of the outfield it was going to be a low scoring game. Ongoing work to establish flood defenses on the Water of Leith meant that overs could only be bowled from one end, great news for Umpire Carter who took his shooting stick out to the middle and settled in for 40 overs.

Ian and John Beattie were first up for Carlton and they progressed nicely until Ian was harshly adjudged to be run out (9-1, 7 overs, Thompson 4). Archie (10-2, 8 overs, Robertson 0) followed soon after before Euan and John compiled the key partnership of the Carlton innings. John was dismissed with the score at 80 (80-3, 31 overs, Beattie 29, partnership 70) and Euan fell two overs later for an excellent 36, his top score in senior cricket (88-4, 33 overs, Burgess 36). Wickets fell steadily thereafter and Carlton finished on 116 with late contributions from Martin (Robertson 10) and Barnacle (Barrett 12no).

After the perfect cricket tea of curried chicken pies and strawberry tarts Fives took to the field. Euan and Fabien took the new ball, both from the Water of Leith End, Carter moved his shooting stick to fine leg and off we went. Fabien made an early breakthrough aided by a steepling catch at mid-on by Euan (MDAFS 6-1, 2 overs), thereafter MDAFS made slow but steady progress until Charlie Kentish cleaned up opener Sharma with a peach of a ball (MDAFS 30-2, 13 overs). Dave captured two early wickets and with MDAFS on 50-4 after 22 overs the game was in the balance. Supported by excellent fielding, most notably by Martin who in a moment of brilliance leapt like Shamu the Killer Whale in pursuit of his favourite beach ball to stop a certain boundary at deep cover. The spectators nearby roared their approval and threw a hand full of penguins in Martin’s direction, clearly they too were wrapped up in the tense theatre of the afternoon.

A fine partnership between skipper Malik and Wicket keeping/Bowling/Batting/Tap Dancing all-rounder Mittal edged the game in favour of MDAFS and at the end of the 32nd over 30 runs were still needed, 6 wickets in hand.. …Euan and Fabien were brought back to close out. In the remaining overs the match tipped first one way and then the other, Fabien bowled Mittal for an excellent 36 (113-5), Euan ran out Willis (114-6) but Malik endured to steer DAFS home with two balls to spare.


For Carlton top knocks from John (29) and Euan (36). The bowling in the middle overs was excellent (Charlie Kentish 6-1-9-1, Ewan Hutchison 6-0-27-0, Aryan Singh 4-0-17-0, and Dave Carter 8-1-21-2) and the experience of bowling at the death in a tight game from Euan (8-0-21-0) and Fabien (7.4-1-19-2) will stand them in good stead. An excellent game of cricket, fine margins and it could have gone either way, 10 juniors on show across both sides, congratulations to MDAFS and many thanks for their generous hospitality.

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Saturday 6th August 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Morton 3
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Carlton 5
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  107 for 6 away 106 for 8

Scorecard

At 9:26am Saturday I received the now familiar email from the glorious purposefulness that is FB detailing his grand design..... the final XI for the Famous Fives' games against Morton 3s ......"some late shuffling of the pack to accommodate Cricket Scotland's late ask for injured Ali Evans to play as a batter so your team for today will be: "


Instantaneously my mind was full of unanswered questions.....Where will I bat him? Still vulnerable on the front foot?....not sure top of the order on the Meadows is the best place for him to rebuild his confidence? Extra-long levers..... Could he be deployed as a powerful pinch hitter in the middle overs? I allowed myself a small chuckle and dismissed the thought as quickly as it had arrived. Does he have the patience to shepherd the tail? Dilemma! ....if we were to be true to the principle of meritocracy as highlighted in the Famous Fives' Manifesto surely I should I bat him after Carter? After all the great man had earned a spot at 10, he was coming off a run of four successive boundaries last time out against the might of Watsonians 4s...how would a temperamental international fast bowler react to hearing that news?

I felt sick to the pit of my stomach......I read on....."Murrays(x2), Robertson, Thompson, Hutchison, Shand, Keating, Chandran, Wood, Carter, Barrett" ....."Where is Evans?" the dog looked perplexed and shrugged.... must be playing for the fours I concluded..... Phew, captaincy mega-problem averted.....Praise be to Bob.

Three hours later at the Meadows I was comprehensively outwitted at the toss and Carlton were invited to bat first on their debut at the Home of Cricket. Senior debut for Ruari Shand and Five's debuts for Saachin Chandran and Ethan Wood. Carlton openers made a careful start before Keith was hit in front of middle by one that kept low (Carlton 17-1, Murray 7) and Ewan followed immediately after, playing early and popping up a simple catch. For those of you that haven't yet batted on the Meadows it is almost impossible to describe just how slow it is, simply put it is unimaginable...while it’s a great place to hone your technique of watching the ball all the way onto the bat it offers nothing else to advance your batting prowess or build confidence (Carlton 17-2, Hutchison 0).

17-2 quickly became 23-3 as Cameron found himself stranded mid-wicket and was run out (Keatinge 2). For those of you that haven't yet batted with a senior e.g. Thompson* or Murray* or Carter* or Barrett* (*delete as appropriate) it is almost impossible to describe just how slow their brains work. Imagine relaxing at the end of a long day with 3 to 4 well deserved hours on Call of Duty: Infinite Warfare. Centuries of inadequate population control and irresponsible industrial expansion hasstripped the Earth of its natural resources and the residents of Earth are reliant on mining asteroids and other planets to survive. You are on the verge of defeating the militant radicals who are intent on preventing you from replicating your cataclysmic behaviour across the Solar System ....one last deployment of your SN6 hybrid energy weapon and the future of the human race is secured....you press the trigger button on your Xbox 360 controller and there is a four second delay before the blue energy beam obliterates your enemy..... What chance do you have now? That's what running with a senior is like....it's the difference between superfast broadband and a pigeon.​

Two partnerships, the first between Ian and Martin (27, Robertson 18) and second between Ian and Ruari (33, Shand 6) got Carlton to a respectable Meadows total of 106 off their allotted overs. Ian remained unbeaten on 36.

After tea Ethan and Saachin had first use of the new ball. Ethan struck in his second and third overs, both bowled will full deliveries. For those of you that haven't yet bowled at the meadows there is no pace (see above), however, there is unpredictable variable bounce so pitch it up, wicket to wicket and make the batsman play. You don't need to be super bright to bowl there so every bowler regardless of their academic abilities has a chance to shine. Clearly the brighter bowlers over the years have the best records because they understand what they need to do AND do it......it's no coincidence that Steven Andrews is nicknamed "Meadows" and is sought after by MENSA.

Ethan claimed a third, smartly caught by Ewan at point, and when Ruari bowled Morton veteran Frankie Bell, in his first over in senior cricket, our opponents were left on 28-4 after 13 overs. Small and Kassetty batted with purpose and turned the game back in Morton's favour until Small, sportingly walked, after feathering one from Saachin and was caught behind (Small 29, Morton 90-1, 25 overs). Soon after, his partner Kassetty skied Dave to short fine leg were Barnacle, running like Forrest Gump in his leg braces, surprisingly held on to the catch (Kassetty 32, Morton 96-6, 27 overs). Soloman and Karlapalem survived a few scares but eventually saw Morton home, a win by 4 wickets with 9 overs to spare.

Another day of top performances from the juniors on show. Excellent with the ball and in the field. Congratulations to Ian on his undefeated runs that would have been worth double at Grange Loan or Peffermill. For those of you that haven't yet attempted to play cricket shots at the Home of Cricket watch CSI New York when they perform a ballistics check by firing a gun into a gelatine block..... The degree of deceleration on the bullet is similar to that a cricket ball experiences when running across the surface of the meadows OR you can remember the Mike Kennedy rule of "99% of the boundaries hit at the Meadows spend 99% of their time in the air"

Congratulations to Morton, worthy winners and hugely generous in their support of our juniors during the game – much appreciated. Good luck with what remains of the season and look forward to seeing them next year.

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Saturday 13th August 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Carlton 5
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Gala/Hawick 2
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120 for 8

Keith Murray 48*, Gavin Murray 12*

home
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122 for 9

Fin Thornton 3 for 26

Scorecard

There were more than a few tired eyes on this Olympic weekend. The “can’t take your eyes of it for 1 minute” spectacle of synchronized swimming and a tense Water Polo match between Burundi and Nepal drew many of us into the early hours. There was further controversy in Water Polo as Ireland were disqualified when their horses drowned and it looks likely Russia will once again face the wrath of the IOC for improper use of subs.

There were Fives debuts this week for Harry Simpson and Finn Thornton and the Selection Illuminati again delivered on their promise to promote juniors through the club adding five more to the starting XI. At Peffermill Barnacle lost the toss for a record 5 th time in a row....statisticians around the world are beginning to rethink probability theory.

Ruth and Harry opened the bowling for Carlton, both started beautifully. Ruth’s outswing brought two early wickets (Willis 5-2-8-2). Harry was immaculate in line and length and was rewarded with a wicket in his 6th over with a neat caught and bowled. Rutherford threatened to take the game away from Carlton as he launched Harry for two immense sixes over cow but Euan was brought on to get rid of the big man ... Half way into his third over he did just that bowling him with a peach (F Rutherford 17, Burgess 3-0-8-1). Euan's reward was to be immediately taken off – tough game for bowlers he discovered. Gavin and Charlie were immense in the game both bowling two spells, first time for them in senior cricket, just hitting their spots every ball....it was like someone had made two small Pete Gills out of big Pete Gill. For anyone studying advanced highers in Biology think Mitosis. Billy maintained the pressure and Finn reaped the benefits with three wickets as successive batsmen thought they could take advantage and accelerate against a junior off-spinner. Gala-Hawick innings was held together by skipper Kenny Paterson’s impressive knock (43) and our guests finished on 122-9 after 40.

Keith and Aryan led the Carlton run chase and made a steady start until Aryan played his first false shot – tough game for batters he discovered (Singh 4, 19-1). While Keith remained solid at one end, other Carlton batters arrived, got starts but departed soon after (Simpson 9, Thaivalappil 9, Thornton 10, Willis 10). Although the scoring was unspectacular Carlton were well in the game at 97-6 in the 35 th over with Keith cemented in at one end. Two crazy run outs in consecutive balls....Bertram 0, Barnacle 0 (without facing a ball) turned the match to Gala-Hawick. The second run out, an “optimistic” push into short extra cover's hands could go down in the Guinness book of Records as the farthest run out in the history of cricket... the umpires had to check the batsmen had crossed. Fortunately Barnacle had insufficient time to achieve his terminal velocity and he was able to veer away from what would have been a life threatening impact on an innocent wicket keeper. Gavin Murray came in at 10 and the penultimate pair took us agonisingly close to victory ... Fives finished 2 runs short of their target (120-8) after their full allocation of overs. Keith (Murray the Elder 46 no) and Gavin (Murray the Junior 12no) remained unbeaten.

Highlight of the day was the excellent bowling performance from juniors on both sides. For Carlton, Simpson (8-2-22-1), Murray (8-1-14-2), Kentish (7-1-19-0), Bertram (4-0-17-0), Thornton (5-0-26-3) and Burgess (3-0-8-1) bowled all but 5 of the 40 overs in the innings. An excellent game of cricket, fine margins and it could have easily gone in Carlton's favour, 12 juniors on show across both sides, congratulations to Gala-Hawick and good luck with their progressive stance on blooding junior cricketers.

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Sunday 21st August 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
L Edinburgh CC 3
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Carlton 5
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193 for 8

away 41 all out

Scorecard

Under the Education (Schools) Act 1992 John Major introduced a national scheme of inspections for state funded schools led by a reconstituted arm of the civil service now known as OFSTED (Office for Standards in Education). A lesser known fact is that in parallel Dennis Silk, then president of the MCC, established a body of elite educationalists to ensure the foundations for cricket were maintained. Since then, his brainchild OFFCUTS (Office for Cricketers, Umpires and Tea Standards) has worked quietly, away from the spotlight, to protect the essence of the game we love. On Saturday evening at 21:00 I received notification from OFFCUTS that Carlton’s Famous Fives were to be inspected next day during the ESCA Division 8 game against promotion favorites Edinburgh CC. Our Inspector was a familiar face … his glorious purposefulness, the elite educationalist that is Fantasy Bob.

There were Five’s debuts for Murdo Fraser and Bob Irvine, five more juniors alongside Murdo and four additional seniors plus Bob in the starting XI. At a lush Campbell Park an inspired Barnacle won the toss for the first time since Andy Murray won Wimbledon and after a short delay for an unexpected roll of the pitch Carlton had first bowl.

Fives youngest ever new ball partnership of Gavin Murray and Jamie Beattie opened the bowling for Carlton, both started well, bowling tight lines. Jamie made an early breakthrough as opener Akhtar snicked a trademark out-swinger behind, soon after in his final over before his mandatory nap break Gavin trapped the other opener leg before and when first change Ruari Shand claimed Sohail, ably snaffled by the inspector at mid-on, Edinburgh were reduced to 23-3 off 13 overs.

Charlie Kentish was unlucky not to claim the early wicket of Edinburgh’s run machine and new bat Adnan Shabir who appeared to nick off behind but both umpire and batsman were unimpressed by Barnacle’s act of supplication behind the timbers. After the reprieve clean hitting Shabir dominated the rest of Edinburgh innings, eventually falling out for 94, including four consecutive maximums off Alan. Next highest score was 20 as our opponents finished on 193-8 after 40.

Carlton’s top AND bottom orders collapsed against a good bowling attack. Martin was the only one to register a score (Robertson 26) with extras next highest in the runs column. In pursuit of their five a day John and Alan were undone by a couple of peaches, Bob set the standard and walked after a complicated sequence of edges, pads and pants pockets made it impossible for the Umpire to give him caught behind and Barnacle was run out without facing a ball for the second week running.

To save time I copied the rest of this paragraph from last week’s match report with minimal edits - prophetic …..”Two Three crazy run outs….Murdo 2, Charlie 0, Barnacle 0 (without facing a ball) turned the match to Gala-Hawick Edinburgh.  The second third run out, an “optimistic” push into short extra cover's hands could go down in the Guinness Book of Records of the farthest run out in the history of cricket… the umpires had to check the batsmen had crossed.  Fortunately Unfortunately Barnacle had insufficient time to achieve his terminal velocity and he was was not able to veer away from what would have been a life threatening impact on an innocent wicket keeper.  Happy to report both survived but Carlton’s innings ended in the 20th over, 41 all out, lowest total in Fives history.

Taking the positives the bowling from our juniors was once again excellent, Beattie (8-0-17-1), Murray (7-0-21-2), Kentish (8-0-33-1), Shand (7-0-40-2) and Hutchison (8-0-55-2) – continued progress through the season. For the batters it was a trip down memory lane, back to the days of uncovered pitches and deadly Derek Underwood. Whereas the Carlton Junior bowlers lightly kissed the surface of the moist pitch, the adults from Edinburgh banged it in and ripped out a small piece of the top, leaving a visible pitch mark with every ball. Nevertheless a very disappointing run chase that never got going, few teams recover from 8-5 in the 10th over and we join that long list. Congratulations to Edinburgh CC, well deserved winners and good luck with their promotion quest.

Although the inspectors' report has still has to be finalised I enclose a summary of key points below.

Office for Cricketers, Umpires and Tea Standards: Carlton V XI vs Edinburgh CC III XI – 21st August 2016
“The reputation of Carlton remains intact, protected by the brilliance of the juniors with the ball, in the field and with the scorebook. Would be useful if the senior batters stepped up and delivered, starting next week versus Marchmont. Barnacle seemed like a nice chap, clearly he had taken a shave that morning and a recent haircut in an attempt to impress but fundamentally he is too short to lead. Either he was much shorter than I remember or he was always standing a long way away from me. Umpiring Good …..Two...I counted them in and I counted them out. Tea most disappointing aspect of the day, requires significant improvement, NO Empire Biscuits for me or Ed and that’s all we have to say about that.”

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Saturday 27th August 1pm

ESCA Division Eight
W Carlton 5s
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Marchmont 3s
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194 for 7

Ian Thompson 42, Martin Robertson 36, Alan Murray 34*

home
Cav

191 all out

Ethan Wood 3 for 13, Rua McIntyre 3 for 18

Scorecard

At this week’s meeting of the Carlton Book Club, South African Mario Olivier shared that his favorite book was “The Joy of Six” … “must be a book about Pretorian cricket” suggested Moon, briefly raising his eyes from his chosen publication “The Mad King: A biography of Ludwig II of Bavaria”. My selection “Bernie Clifton: Half Man, Half Ostrich” is the tale of a trombone playing, B-list comedian of the 1970’s whose act was based on him riding an Ostrich called Oswald. Bernie was born in St Helens, my home town, a place of coal mines, Pilkington’s Glassworks and Pimblett’s Pies and his tale reminded me of the lengths some men will take to in order to escape their roots. As we sat back on our bean bags, Ravi Shankar understated in the background, I reflected on the diversity at Carlton Cricket Club and wondered “What was Mario’s story?”

Three days later, after turning the final pages on Bernie’s riveting read, I found myself at Cavalry Park where the Famous Fives were to face Marchmont 3rd XI on the artificial. No Fives' debutants this week for the final game of the season but a perfectly balanced side of five adults and six juniors in the starting XI. Taking momentum from last week, I won the toss for the second week in a row and Carlton chose to bowl.

Fives' second youngest ever new ball partnership of Gavin Murray and Jamie Beattie opened up for Carlton – failing by just 7 days to wrestle that honour from last week’s opening pair… let’s hope these two could perform half as well. It started brightly, with Gavin claiming a wicket off the fourth ball of the day as Rua held on to a spiraling catch at mid-on. However, the early wicket did not trouble Marchmont who launched a T20 like assault on the Carlton bowling. Mascarenhas was the main man, sporting a Shrivnarine Chanderpaul batting stance he hit fours and sixes for fun accelerating our opponents to 82 off the first 10 overs before Euan trapped him leg before as he attempted to hit his 11th boundary of the day (Mascarenhas 52 (48 in boundaries), 89-1, 11 overs, excellent stuff). Although the run rate slowed a little with the departure of Shriv II, any loose ball went to the boundary, Rua picked up two wickets but at the half-way stage Marchmont were handily placed on 139-4. The second half of the innings belonged to Carlton, led by Ethan who bowled unchanged (Wood 8-3-13-3) and ably supported by Rua, Gavin, Jamie, Charlie and Euan we bowled Marchmont out in the 37th over with the addition of only 52 more runs (Marchmont all out, 191) … felt like we’d escaped.

Fives' oldest ever opening batting partnership of Keith Murray and Ian Thompson led the reply – successfully wrestling that honour by 14 days from the pair that opened two weeks earlier. They made good progress and took the score to 55 before Keith was dismissed by an excellent diving catch at backward point (K Murray 27) and Rua was bowled in the same over by one that kept low (Carlton 55-2, 13 overs). Ian and Euan took us to the drinks break at 75-2 and with a run a ball needed for the second half we felt in the game. After the break we kept up with the run rate but we lost wickets regularly: Euan Burgess (5, 85-3); Ian Thompson (42, 124-4); Ethan Wood (0, 132-5); Charlie Kentish (4, 142-6); Martin Robertson (36, 151-7). With 8 overs left 39 runs were still needed with Alan and Jamie in the middle. Scampered singles and the occasional boundary gradually reduced the runs required without further loss of wickets and we went into the last over.

We needed 8 for victory. Cooper’s previous 5 overs had gone for 12 runs, one of our batters was 10 years old and so the odds were in stacked in Marchmont’s favour. First ball, swish and a miss from Alan, second ball a single to mid-on, third ball swish and a miss from Jamie (seven needed off three)…. Jamie calmly pushed to cover for a single off the fourth ball (six off two)….Alan’s clump to cow off the penultimate ball brought two more scampered runs and Carlton needed a boundary off the last ball. Cooper bowled a length ball, and Alan who in a moment of proper cricket swung straight down the line and launched the ball directly back over the bowler ….the long-on fielder raised both hands high above his head to signal the maximum and Carlton had won by 3 wickets. 'The Joy of Six'. "I wonder if it’s available on Kindle?" I thought.

An outstanding game to conclude the first season of cricket in Famous Fives'history … everyone contributed to the win. We have come to expect the junior bowlers to deliver and today was no different, exceptional spells from Rua (5.2-1-18-3), Euan (6-0-31-2) and Ethan (8-3-13-3). Responding to the stinging criticism in last weeks OFFCUTS report the senior batters stepped up (Ian 42, Keith 27, Martin 36 and Alan 34 not out) but the difference from previous games where we took narrow losses was the succession of key partnerships….Keith and Ian 55 for the 1st wicket, Ian and Euan 30 for the 3rd, Ian and Martin 39 for the 4th and Alan and Jamie an unbeaten 41 to take us home….the contributions of Euan and Jamie with the bat were critical. There was no single outstanding performance in my view….Alan will deservedly get the plaudits for hitting the winning runs in such spectacular fashion but Ethan’s spell of 8-3-13-3 when we were under the gun at 139-4 after 20 overs, Ian’s 42 and partnerships with Keith, Euan and Martin, Martin’s quick-fire 36 that brought us back in-line with a gettable run rate and Jaimie’s partnerships with Martin and Alan were all equally significant. The purpose of the Fives is to get Juniors to participate and to contribute to wins and to have fun …… it was the perfect example of that goal … a fantastic team performance… cannot wait for next year.

Back at Grange Loan we learned that Super Mario had smashed his first 100 for Carlton off 53 balls as the new Eastern Premier Champions demolished Stoneywood-Dyce … perhaps the reasons for our medal-toting centurion’s 6000 mile trip to Edinburgh were becoming clearer.

 

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